heart conditioning..
If you would’ve just listened to me in the first place we wouldnt be here…
I wouldnt be paralyzed by fear
drowning in tears…
too many years spent sowing into a garden that would never produce fruit
the harsh realities
of naked apple trees
haunts me…
Did I really think that I could take pain and produce life?
that all of my gains would outweigh the bads and make it all right.
that love could be found in a broken place?
that after time heartache would be replaced
and see my heart doesnt listen..it knows better
now that i know what true love is…i could do better.
and even though my heart knows i deserve better..
it still coaxs me into thinking it cares…
like angry love letters…
Im waiting on time to heal all wounds
all of mine are buried, dead weights, like catacombs
and even though i know this isnt for me
im having the hardest time making my heart believe..
it thinks it knows whats best for me….
and its like im not in control of anything…
My heart doesn’t listen
even though i cast all my feelings on Christ
it still likes to play like its running my life…
and its a constant battle just to sleep at night…
im waiting on God to love me back to right….
and until then i just wait….
wait till joy replaces sorrows…
wait till todays are are incomparable to tomorrows…
i’ll wait for this purging surgery
to cleanse me of whats hurting me
to restore me…back to my innocence…
im preparing for this race…making plays
towards my heart conditioning ..
